He Loves Me She Loves Me Not
by madiisnotahipster
Summary: A bunch of different one shots put together, some of them happy some depressing and they are all based on songs from my iPod. i do not own degrassi or the songs. Lots of EClare, all EClare and a little of future FAdam
1. Drops of Jupiter

**AUTHORS NOTE- hey you guys! This fanfiction is called **_**He Loves Me She Loves Me Not**_** for a reason. It's not all doom and gloom though. It's just a bunch of short one shots that all have to do with songs. I don't go through my iPod on shuffle though; I chose these on porpous I hope you don't mind. This one is not the greatest, but I like it. All of them have different plots; there might be a few two shots if you guys like one a lot. I will try to update a lot on this one, but it's a side fanfiction, the one I will be updating a lot is New Directions. Read it, its going to be great! Enjoy, Madam Goldsworthy**

_Now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey. She acts like summer and walks like rain reminds me that there's a time to change. Since the return from her stay on the moon, she listens like spring and she talks like June._

**ELI'S POV**

Clare, after that weekend, she seemed more beautiful than before, if that was even possible. Maybe it was just the fact I hadn't seen her in forty eight hours that was getting to my head. It was like she took a trip to space and came back a brand new girl resembling parts of my best friend. But now that she back in the atmosphere, there's drops of Jupiter in her hair. I wish she loved me.

I can see her walk over here with confidence like summer in her face; her walk is like rain with the pitter patter of small feet. It reminded me of change. How in the beginning she was a shy girl and she opened up to me to reveal her sarcastic side. I love Clare, but I haven't told her yet.

"Hey, Clare," I smirked as her.

"Hello, Eli, how was your weekend?" she replied.

"It was terrible, I wasn't with you." She blushed scarlet. Clare probably thought I was just being sarcastic, if only she knew what I really though. Her hair was damp with water from a shower and looked like dew or stars. It was like she was tracing through the constellations.

"Tell me, did you sail across the Sun? Did you make it through the Milky Way to see the lights all faded and that heaven is overrated?" I said to Clare, gazing at her eyes.

"Ha, ha, ha, very funny, Eli," I wish she knew I was serious. My best friend, I thought as I resisted the urge to put my arm around her waist and pulled her close to me and kiss her nose and she pouted. Wishing I was kissing her pushed out lips, I thought of a bunch of questions that I wanted answers to.

"Did you miss me as much as I missed you?" I whispered in her ear.

"Eli, of course I missed you, you are my… best friend, but it was only two days."

"It felt like two months, Clare," I confessed. Telling her about my musings, I said, "Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-friend chicken, your best friend always sticking up for you, even when I know you're wrong,"

She sighed. "Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance, five hour phone conversation, the best soy latte that you ever had, and me?" She asked.

"I could never imagine a life without you, Clare, I dream about being with you forever," I looked into her eyes with a small shy smile playing on my lips.

"Eli," she said.

"Clare," I responded.

"I love you" we smiled at each other. Did I just hear correctly? Did Clare just say she loved me too? Yes, judging by the smile play on her lips, I heard every word right. I felt like throwing my hands up in the air and screaming 'she loves me! I did something right! She loves me!'

I looked into her eyes and did yet another amazing thing. Before I could think correctly, I leaned down to her height to press my lips gently against hers. She stood up on her tippy toes and leaned more into me as we kissed on the familiar steps of Degrassi.

**AUTHOUR'S NOTE- so, did you like it? Review! Hit or miss? Love or hate? Please tell me so I can either keep it up or change it.**


	2. According to You

**AUTHORS NOTE! HEY! Did u miss me? Good! I'm glad. Sorry I've been off for so long! I officially hate the week before Christmas break, they pack the homework on so hard! And then I had to make a Thriller costume, which, if I do say so myself, looks amazing now. I had National History Day outline, a rough draft of an article for my Language Arts class, and a power point for Science on Mercury. Wish me luck! On the bright side, I'm glad to be able to write again! I love you guys.**

**DISCLAIMER- I obviously don't own Degrassi, if I did, everyone would be watching a new Degrassi right now based on our fanfiction and would be filled with EClare fluff, and I would be making out with Munro Chambers with his engagement ring on my finger.**

**According to You- Orianthi **

**CLARE'S POV **

"Hey, Clare, what's wrong?" Eli asked me as I solemnly walked into my Advanced Language Arts class.

"Oh, nothing, except now that K.C. is my boyfriend, he constantly tells me what I do wrong, like according to him, I'm difficult, hard to please, I have the worst attention span, and I'm a mess in a dress," I gestured down to my button down jean dress which I thought fit me well, "It really hurts," I confessed to Eli who is turned towards me, his distressed skinny jean covered leg touched the leg on my desk.

"Ok, get with your partners to discuss each other's poetry assignments," Ms. Daws said to the class. Eli and I worked on this yesterday at the Dot.

"So, partner, I have to disagree with your lame little boyfriend," Eli said to me, his face turning to disgust when he said the word 'boyfriend'.

"Oh, really?" I replied with sarcasm to try to lift the mood a little.

"Yes, you are funny, beautiful, incredible, and irresistible." Eli's emerald eyes met my baby blue ones before looking away with a shy look on his face. This is the time I wish Eli was my boyfriend not the jerk K.C. "Clare, you are everything I ever wanted," Eli admitted, still avoiding eye contact, I was glad because I was blushing ten shades of scarlet.

"Eli, you are way nicer than K.C.," I said, "I wish you were in his position, at least I would have someone who cares. He hurts me so bad, but I know you would never do that," I told him in a quiet voice.

"If he is not going to tread you with respect, why are you with him? You should be with someone better for you," he told me with a shy smile playing at his lips, his face turned my way.

"You are right, Eli," the bell rung, symbolizing the end of another class and the beginning of lunch. Eli went right outside the door and I went left, to go to our lockers. As I rounded the corners, I spotted my boyfriend.

"You couldn't show up on time if it would save your life," he said, slightly ticked off. That was the last straw. Eli left me happy, he liked me! Now, my boyfriend didn't even act like he cared.

"You know what; I am tired of you always being mean to me! According to you, I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right. But according to Eli, I am beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his mind, according to him, I'm funny, irresistible, I'm everything he ever wanted!

"Everything is opposite, but I don't feel like stopping it. So, baby, tell me what I've got to loose, he's into me for everything that you think I'm not. K.C. we are done!" I threw my hands into the air. Walking away from my ex and my locker, I literally ran into Eli.

"Clare, what's the matter?" Eli asked with sincerity in his voice.

"I did it," I responded as I sunk more into his arms, he didn't protest, but held me as close as he could. "I broke up with K.C."

"Are you okay with that?" he asked into my ear.

I thought about it for a second. "Yes, I am very happy with my decision, I am a single woman with a bunch of caring friends."

"What if one of those caring friends wanted to be a little more than friends?" he whispered into my ear.

"Adam?" I asked sarcastically.

"Let me think…" than he leaned in and kissed me with such passion and lust, that it felt as though he really loved me. His licorice flavored lips pulled away from mine, leaving me breathless.

"Does that answer you question?" his smirk appeared on his lips as I nodded.

"Does this mean I have a boyfriend?" I questioned.

"Twist my rubber arm, girlfriend," we walked away arm in arm out into the cafeteria to find our friends.

**AUTHORS NOTE- so….. What did you think? Tell me! You might have been a bit confused but that was with K.C. still in her life, I hope you loved it. I also have some writers block for new directions, can u read it and give me suggestions on what to do next? hey! ok you should all check out the polls on my profile! i need to know what you think! it would make my homework load seem a little bit nicer if you all just clicked a coulple times! i love you all! - madam goldsworthy**


	3. Raise Your Glass

_**A/N Hey! Ok, o this one is dedicated to the New Year! Happy 2011! My friend Hannah helped me out on this one, raise your glass, Hannah! I hope you enjoy. The links to the dresses that Clare and Allie are wearing in this are on my profile. Also, for the people who do not know how to spell Alli's name, it's A-l-l-i.**_

_**Just to let you know, they are not dating in this chapter!**_

**CLARE'S POV**

Putting the finishing touched on the decorations; I heard a knock on my front door signaling the first person had arrived to my New Year's Eve party. As I walked to the door I pulled at the hem of the turquoise dress Alli convinced me to wear. I opened the door to see Adam and Eli.

"It's freaking' freezing out here, Clare! Let me in!" Adam squeaked in his feminine voice.

Eli pulled me into an embrace. Alli appeared at the top of the stairs, her hot pink dress was so bright, it was like we didn't need any lights on, but it was so her.

"Hello, Adam and Eli! Happy New Year!" Adam's eyes practically jumped out of his head as he caught sight of Allie.

Blushing; I looked down at my toes with daintily painted flowers on the big toes, the background color was one that matched my dress. Alli did a wonderful job, but she wouldn't admit it.

"Just to let you know, I like your outfit much more than Alli's," Eli whispered in my ear. Blushing, I reached up and kissed his cheek, that was such a sweet thing to say.

"Let's get this party started!" Alli squeaked, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the living room with Adam following at her heels and Eli following suit.

"Are your parents home, Clare?" Adam asked.

"No or this would never be happening," Alli responded for me.

Adam was in his normal apparel with baggie jeans and a too-big t-shirt that was slightly tucked in. Eli was wearing his black vest with a grey shirt underneath and his distressed shinnies under.

"So what exactly is going to happen at this party?" Eli questioned.

"Alli and I were thinking of playing some party games," I said quietly in response.

Eli snorted and said, "Of course we are," in his usual sarcastic tone.

"Oh, trust me, it's going to be much more interesting than you think," Alli said with a wink. Adam and Eli sat down on my sofa as Alli and I went to get a 24 pack of Pepsi. She squealed and walked back with me to see Eli smirking in my direction.

"What 'party games' are we going to be playing?" Eli asked eyeing the box of soda.

I said, "We were thinking of…"

"Never Have I Ever!" Alli shrieked. Adam blushed as Eli showed his signature smirk.

"What version," Adam asked shyly.

"I think we should play the version where you drink soda every time you have done something that the other person mentioned and the person who had the most cans of soda at the end wins," I said.

Alli shot me a glare and said, "That's no fun. Let's take it to a vote, the drinking soda version or the strip version," she smiled like a devil at me. "All for Clare's version," I raised my hand and was the only one, "All for my version," Alli and Eli raised their hands.

"Adam you didn't vote," I noticed.

"Either way, its fine with me, I haven't done much," Adam said.

"Yay!" Alli yelled, "Clare you go first," As I was about to protest, I thought of a brilliant plan.

"Fine," I said in defeat. "Never have I ever gone sky diving," Of course no one has, so no one takes off their clothes.

"What part of party don't you understand? I wish you would just freak out. My turn, never have I ever eaten soup." Eli took off his vest, Alli took off her bracelet and I took off my shrug. I rolled my eyes at Eli's smirk. We all found Adam because he was the only one that hadn't removed anything.

"I have never had soup," Adam said, shrugging.

"Then, your turn, Alli," I said.

"Never have I ever worn an outfit with only black as the color," Alli said, sitting back looking triumphant as I put my necklace in. Adam put his socks and Eli put in his grey shirt, leaving him topless. I couldn't help but stare at the god-like figure sitting on my sofa.

Eli caught me staring and said, "Just can't help but stare can you?" I blushed and looked down.

"Never have I ever thrown a punch in a fist fight," Adam said. Eli removed his jeans, leaving him sitting on my couch in only his boxers.

"OK," I said quickly as we all erupted in laughter at Eli's expense.

"Dude, *laughter* you wear *laughter* duck *even more laughter* boxers?" Adam stutters through laughter.

"Yes, yes, I do," Eli said and suddenly lowered his voice, "you got a problem with that?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Well, looks like we have learned quite a lot about each other in that game, on to the next one," I said, trying to change the subject so a fight wouldn't break out between a transgender and a guy wearing duck boxers.

"I agree, Eli, Clare might enjoy seeing you like that, but I don't need to." Alli said as she hid her face from the view in front of her.

"Eli, put your pants back on," I told him with the scarlet still evident on my cheeks as he pulled on his pants with his ring covered fingers, his necklace rattling from the movement.

"So, Eli, why didn't you take off your man-jewelry?" Adam asked quizzing.

Now it was Eli's turn to blush, "Just wanted to make things interesting,"

"Or, you wanted to strip in front of Clare," Adam said.

Eli blushed and I stepped in "Ok, the next game is called Raise Your Glass," I said.

"You play it by having a soda and you say something to raise your glass too, if you are one or have done it, you drink the soda, the person with the most cans empty looses, Eli lost that one, and now we get to see who looses this one," Alli said.

"Alli and I will show you," I said. Both of us girls picked up a can of soda and I raised mine, "Raise your glass if you will never be anything but loud," Alli took a sip.

Without stopping, she said, "Raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways. Clare, you kissed a geek and an older man's neck last year, you get to raise your glass too," We both took sips of Pepsi.

Eli stared at me with his eyebrows raised, "Explanation, please."

"Someone sounds jealous," Alli and Adam said at the same time, "Jinx!" again with the unison. Laughter filled the room while Eli blushed and Adam grabbed a can of soda for each of them.

"Raise your glass if you are an underdog," Adam said and we all drank with a clink of our aluminum cans clicking against each others.

**So if you're too school for cool**

**And you're treated like a fool,**

**You can choose to let it go.**

**We can always party on our own.**

"Raise your glass if you like someone in this circle as more than a friend, but never had the courage to tell them," Eli and I both raise our glass and take a sip without really thinking about it.

"Oh, shit, my can is empty," Eli said. He moved over to sit right next to me, the denim of his jeans against my dress covered leg, his bare arm against the skin of mine.

"Ten seconds to midnight!" Alli screamed out. "Ten, nine, eight," he moved a little closer. "Seven, six, five,"

"Happy New Year," Eli said.

"Three, two," was registering faintly in the back of my head as Eli leaned in to meet my lips sweetly in the middle. It was like everything slowed down and I could tell this was going to be the best year of my life.

**So raise your glass if you are wrong**

**In all the right ways**

**All my underdogs **

**We will never be ever be**

**Anything but loud**

**Won't you come on **

**And come on and raise your glass**

**Just come on **

**And come on **

**And **

**Raise**

**Your**

**Glass**

**THE END**

_**SO? DID YOU NOT JUST LOVE THIS! My friend came up with the ending idea, but I helped. I thought this was the cutest thing in the world. Happy New Year everyone, I hope you have someone special to celebrate with, if not, join the club! Review if you love it!**_


	4. Sway

**A/N Hey everybody! i got over my writers block, finally! it seemed like it would never leave, and i started to give up hope till my bestie came and gave me an idea while coming over for new years and then, we played just dance and i got another idea. This is slightly alternate universe and in alli's parents being gone and allowing all these kids. I hope you like it!**

**I have this huge obsession with Just Dance 2 right now and i don't think I will ever get over it. Oh, well, enjoy!**

** ELI'S POV**

Getting invited to the Bendaris was different than I expected. Adam and I were over at Sav's house for a jam session. I was sitting in Sav's room with him and Adam on his bed as Adam tuned his bass on the floor and Sav warmed up his guitar on a chair in the corner of the room. Ignored, i sat and twdelled my thumbs, thinking about a cirtan someone. Recently, Clare had been the only thing I thought about, so I thought it was my imagination when I heard a door opening and closing then giggles of two teenage girls.

"Sav! Are you there? I'm home!" a girly voice shouted from down the stairs. All the instruments and thoughts were stopped.

"Yeah, Alli, we are up here!" Sav shouted back through the door.

"Clare is here too!" Clare shouted with giggles following. Meaningful stars and small shoves in my arm along with stiffled laughter were thrown my way.

"Ok! Adam and Eli and I are up here, don't be too loud," Sav said when he got up and closed the door.

"Aw, crap! Now all Eli's thoughts are going to be focused on the girl downstairs! Sav, we are never going to be actually playing music with Eli he will just be a robot," Adam told Sav.

"I will be just as focused as I was before they came," I told the guys.

"You were thinking about her before too," said an exasperated Adam.

"Exaclty," i responded. "Ok,ok. I will sing, don't worry,"

After playing a few songs and having a grand old time, we heard music blasting down the stairs.

"Keep it down!" Sav yelled. In responce, the volume raised, causing difficulty in playing music up stairs. Within all the noise, Sav still heard his cell phone ring.

"Hello, HJ," he said into the cell phone. Adam rolled his eyes. "Oh, student council? Ok, one second." He turned to us, "Holly J needs some help on student council stuff, do you guys if i cut this jam session short?"

"Yeah, Student Council. That's it." I said sarcasticly. "Naw, man, we don't mind, we can just hang with the girls. But, could you cut the crap? We know that you and Holly J have something going on, it's obvious."

"Thanks, man." Sav said. "Can you make sure the girls don't break anything or mess up the kitchen? I am supposed to be looking after Alli while they are away visting my aunt with cancer."

"Don't worry about that, Eli will be keeping Clare very busy and Alli and i will keep from barfing the entire time," Adam said. I picked up a pillow at the top of the bed and threw it at Adam's face.

Following the other boys down the stairs, I heard the volume increase the closer we got. Sav left with a huge smile on his face and Adam dragged me into the living room with the girls.

"I finally beat you!" Alli said as Clare giggled and fell back on the sofa.

"Beat you in what?" i asked cooly walking into the room and leaning against the doorframe.

Clare's face got even more rosy as she responded, "Just Dance 2."

"She is the best! She always gets "goods" and "perfects"!" Alli exclaimed before sipping out of her water bottle.

"Ok, how do you play this?" Adam asked. He sat down and watched as the girls began to explain.

"Ok, so first you choose a song," Clare said as she pointed the Wii remote at the screen and scrolled untill she found the song "girlfriend" by Avril Lavine. "Then, you just dance along witht eh figure on the screen as they move." Clare and Alli started to dance the duet. Clae was the character called Sunny and the animation was dressed up like a... rebel or a punk girl with pink hair. Alli's character was called Baby and was dressed as a little preppy girl.

Clare pointed to Alli then Alli pointed at Clare, that went into Clare air guitaring and accaisionaly raising a leg or shaking her hips and Alli was moving her arms in old school half circles at her waist and hips.

Clare's hips moved to the music and matched her moves presisly to the choreography on the television screen. The auburn locks of hers bounced in their curly forn amd her smile grew larger as she aced the dance. Alli's squeals fo defeat and Adams attempt at joining in didn't register as i observed Clare. The way she danced made me go weak.

**Other dancers may be on the floor**

**Dear, but my eyes will see only you**

**Only you have that magic technique**

**When we sway i go weak**

"Ugh! You are so good at this, Clare!" Alli squealed as she sat back on the couch next to me.

"Thanks," Clare said with red cheeks. "Adam! Your turn! Alli is too tired so your dancing with me."

"What about Eli?" Adam asked half heartedly. I could tell he really wanted to dance.

"I can dance with Eli later," she told him. "OOH! Let's dance to "Firework" by Katty Perry!"

They danced by sticking out their arms with thier ellbow bent then bringing them up in a half circle. The next choreography was a hula-like way to move their arms then they hit their hands on their hips where the pockets of jeans would be. If only Clare knew what she did to me.

"Whew!" Adam said. Alli got up and took Clare's controller and chose "Rainin Men" by the Weather Girls.

Watching Adam dance with Alli was a sight to see. He started closer to the ground and aved his arms like mini waves and then dragged his hands up his body. The best part was watching him run in place while shaking his arms like a monkey.

"What other songs did you dance to, Edwards?" I asked to the girl sitting next to me in a tank top and jeans.

A scarlet brushed across her cheeks as she said, "A-Punk by Vampire Weekend, Hey Ya by Outcast, Toxic by The Hit Crew, Crazy in Love by Studio Musicians, When I Grow Up by The Pussycat Dolls, and Tic Toc by Ke$ha."

"Wow, Clare, who knew you could dance so well,"

"You should dance next, Eli." Adam called over his shoulder and a smile played on his lips.

"You should dance with him, Clare!" Alli chimmed in.

"Oh, I don't-" I started but was cut off.

"Come on, Eli! It will be fun!" She tugged on my ring clad hand and dragged me over to the cleared out area infront of the couch. Adam and Alli handed us their remotes.

"Choose Sway! It's a duet!" the people on the couch decided for us. Clicking the A butto, we selected the song.

We danced a tango-like one. The dance moves got aweful close sometimes that made my heart skip a beat. I was doing suprisingly well. Her chest hit mijne when we did one where you pull at the air to both sides. Then Clare gets infront of me for a few steps and our personal space was invaded yet again. The characters face gets close in another move and it was hard for me not the kiss her there and then.

**Like a flower bending in the breese**

**Bend with me, sway with ease**

**When we dance you have a way with me**

**Stay with me, sway with me**

"Awe, wasn't that cute?" Adam said with a smile once the song was over.

"Our little kids are growing up," Adam and Alli burst into laughter.

I couldn't have cared less, because I only had Clare on my mind. I leaned twords her, looking between her eyes and her lips. Smiling she nodded me permission. Her bubblegum lips met mine for I'm not sure how long, but I know it felt right.

**Make me thrill as only you know how**

**Sway me smooth **

**Sway me now.**

**End**

**Authors Note- OMG! How many of you are so excited they are doing a "Every Degrassi Ever Made" Marathon on teennick? I know I am! It ends at just the right time! Did you like this one shot? I know, how convinient was it that Sav left as Clare came? Hit? Miss? Hate? Love? Tell me by clicking on that sexy little review button down there, you know you want to. ;)**


	5. Limits by the Ready Set

***AUTHORS NOTE: Ok, I know that I haven't updated recently, but I have been busy and have been off the computer for a while. Things are tough in my life recently, hopefully they can get better, but I hope this makes you guys happy. This has tons and tons of EClare fluff and is based on a song that has been running through my head recently for a while. I hope you enjoy.**

I've been dreaming I can feel her on the tip of my tongue,

And tell me how you're feeling, we could touch the ceiling,

You jump start my heart

Oh, girl, I wanna know your love,

I wanna feel your warmth on my skin

I'll show up and be your summer love

Cause you're the breakout feeling of my week

**CLARE'S POV**

Ok, truthfully, I was very nervous about being alone in Eli's house without his parents for a day. I know, it's not a sleepover or anything, but still.

I went over to his house to move the very last box out to the garage from his room. The weather was perfect for the beginning of summer.

"Wow, there is so much space now," I said as Eli and I stood in the doorway of his room with our arms around each others' waists. I stepped forward with cautious steps and then ran and jumped on his bed.

"Hotel Eli is now officially open for business." He smirked and jumped onto the bed with me. "Wanna watch TV?'

"Sure," I was slightly disappointed, I mean TV? That's it? He scooted up to sit on the pillows and leaned his back against the wall. I moved next to him and he put his hand lightly on my leg as he flipped through channels and landed on a rerun of Life with Derek that I've seen a million times.

When I told him that, he responded with, "Exactly. We won't be watching it anyways."

I pretended to be confused. "What would we do if we weren't watching TV?"

"Oh, I don't know," he said leaning down to kiss me. But instead of kissing me on my lips, he kissed my cheeks, nose, chin, forehead, and everywhere that wasn't my mouth. He pulled away and I swung my legs so they lay over his lap with my knees bent beneath his chin.

"So, let's see if I got this right," I kissed the corner of his smirk and went down to his jaw line and placed dainty kisses along a trail on his neck. To top it off, I lightly brushed my lips against his before pulling back.

He exhaled, "Yeah, like that." I smiled and he pulled be back to him.

Is it too late for me to compliment your style?

You've got the subtle grace for miles, role along, role along, role along

Feel your heart drop, pick it up, yeah

**ELI'S POV**

Holy fuck, the tings she did to me. I encircled her hips with one of my arms as the other found the legs that were over mine. I slipped my tongue into her mouth and her fingers laced through my hair. Our tongues fought for dominance as we basked in the moment.

"Down, boy," she said as we gained our breath. Wow, Clare thought dirty. I smirked and pulled her even closer than before and hungrily kissed her, without asking for entrance, our lips parted and my tongue got into her mouth, exploring every centimeter.

She moved her legs so we were lying down and kissing in Hotel Eli where Clare had plenty of free nights left.

The weathers getting kind of cold

Night sky light up you diamond eyes, and you won't feel alone

I'll show up and be your summer love

And feel the heat seep through my bones

**AUTHORS NOTE: So? Did you love it? I hope you did! I am sorry it's so short, but at least I updated. Ok, if you caught the Life with Derek reference, it's because Jordan Todosey played the younger sister in that show and I loved it when it first came on. Ok, have a good life. Madam Goldsworthy.**


	6. AUTHORS NOTE PLEASE READ

**AUTHORS NOTE- I know I haven't updated soon, but I lost a lot of inspiration. I didn't do this before, but I am accepting requests for songs and stories to go with it! I will dedicate the chapter to you! **

** The only rules are that you HAVE to sign in! I can't dedicate it to you if you don't sign in. Thank you for understanding.**

** Love, Madam Goldsworthy**


	7. Beautiful Day

**ELI'S POV**

I was sitting alone in my newly cleaned room as of yesterday and was bored out of my head. All day I've been doing busy work. I completed my long essay due next week for History, edited my girlfriend's paper for English, and finished reading The Tell Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe. I laid my head down on the mounds of pillows that adorned my bed. I had already checked with Adam and he was forced to hang out with his brother. After Drew was caught by his mom with drugs, she's had him grounded on a tight leash. Adam was forced to hang with him. Clare was at church, but I was counting the seconds until I could talk to her. It was one and I took out my phone to text my girl.

Hey. Wanna do something with your amazing boyfriend? ;) I sent.

Her reply was quick. Was just going 2 ask you the same. Let's do something outside. It's great weather. 

Got an idea. Bring your swimsuit. Morty needs a nicewash ;)

You're sure it's not about seeing me in a bikini?

I laughed. Eh, that's just a benefit.

I'll be there soon ;)

xXx

When Clare arrived on her bike, I was in my driveway in trunks with two sets of water buckets, soap, and sponges. I had the hose ready to be set up.

"Hey, babe," she said in my ear. A signature smirk spread across my lips when I took in what she was wearing; a string bikini with a black background and white flowers covering it. She had a thin white t-shirt over it. A rosy blush covered her beautiful face.

"Hey, beautiful." I went over to her, dropping the hose. My long fingers in circled her petite writs and pulled them away from the fidgeting stance at her waist to be by her sides. My eyes took a long glance at her before I pulled her in for a kiss.

It started soft and sweet but I heated it by placing one of my hands on her waist under the cover up and the other under her arm over her shoulder bone. Her fingers combed and pulled at my hair which made me crazy. I licked her lower lip and she didn't let me in be she smiled, telling me she was just playing. Damn, Clare. I bit her lip and she gasped which allowed me to stick my tongue in and explore. We kissed for a while longer but she pulled away. It wasn't because we needed to breath, we had gone much longer than this before, but because she wanted to talk.

"Are we going to stand here and make out or wash your dirty car?" she joked as she moved past me, her hips swiveling with every step.

"Hmm… I was thinking we could make out some more. You weren't complaining that it was dirty the other night when we were in it." I replied as I went to turn on the water. She looked at me with curiosity for a second before blushing and understanding my joke.

"Eli!" her voice was exasperated and I found it to my amusement. My fingers twisted the knob on the side of the house that turned on the hose. Water started to spray form the opening of the hose. Clare was standing over by the car just waiting for me.

"What?" I asked I took the hose and unwound it as I walked over to where she was standing. I gave her a menacing look and she stood wide eyed, exchanging glances between me and the hose.

"You wouldn't," Clare said.

"Oh, but I would." I walked closer to Clare and she stood her ground because she saw a loop hole in my eyes. I was very close to her now. My chest almost touched hers when I looked into her beautiful blue eyes and whispered in her ear, "Say you love me."

She gasped and looked into my jade green eyes, "I love you, Eli." Her voice was like sugar and honey.

"Good enough for now, but expect to get soaked later." she stared at me wide eyed. "Ok, time for Morty to get clean." My amazing girlfriend grinned at me.

We picked up the sponges and buckets full of soapy water and started washing the car. The bubbly liquid rubbed against the hard black surface of my beloved car. Clare and I got a little off track occasionally and started spraying each other with water. Sponges were thrown around, getting us both soaked.

I finally sprayed down the car to reveal an almost shiny hearse. Clare turned to me and said, "It looks… still dirty." she said. "That was fun though."

"That was a ton of fun, blue eyes," I smirked. I closed the distance between us and brought my lips to hers. She melted into me. I laced my arms around her waist and pulled her hips to mine. A soft moan came from both of us. Clare brought her tongue across my lip to try and gain entrance. I allowed her in. She wandered around until I caused our tongues to dance.

"Eli, I have an idea." she breathed as we separated. I moved my mouth to her neck.

"Mmm," I mumbled as I planted butterfly kisses along her jaw line. I love the way her wet auburn curls felt in my fingers.

"Let's go to a Car Wash," she said. I took my lips away from her sweet skin.

"Sure, let's go." I respond. We put away the wash supplies and laid down towels on the leather upholstery so we didn't get them wet. "Clare, you're still in your swim suit." I pointed out.

"You're still shirtless, Eli. And don't pretend you don't like it." Clare said, feeling bold, I guess.

We backed out of the driveway and down the road to a local car wash attached to a gas station. There was no line for the wash so I inserted the coins for the Ultimate Wash selection.

"Is that the one with the colors?" Clare asked. I chucked as the door to the entry of the sudsy car wash.

"Yes, this has colors."

"Good." she smiled.

"Although, we might not be watching." I said. The tires clicked into place.

I could feel the water hitting the bottom of Morty while white soap was washed over the top of him. I turned on the radio. Beautiful Day by U2 blasted loudly thorough the speakers. "This always sounds good in the car wash." I smirked and raised my eyebrows. Clare moved over to sit on my lap as the water basted in circles over the hood of the car.

The heart is a bloom  
Shoots up through the stony ground  
There's no room  
No space to rent in this town

Blue met green when she looked into my eyes. Her soft light pink lips collided with mine as we pushed against each other, hungering for more. Color spread over the windows as her eyes opened but didn't break away from the kiss.

It's a beautiful day  
Sky falls, you feel like  
It's a beautiful day  
Don't let it get away

A moan escaped her throat and we kept kissing. One of my hands touched a bit of exposed skin on her hip. "Clare, I have to pull forward." I said, breaking away from the kiss. She just moved down to my jaw and kissed me with an open mouth on my neck and earlobe before contacting with my color bone. I moved my car slowly under the wind blowing jets that dried the big raindrop like water collected on my car.

You're on the road  
But you've got no destination  
You're in the mud  
In the maze of her imagination

Clare continued to plant sloppy kisses that made me insane as I pulled my car forward. Only twenty seconds until I could pull out and kiss her back.

Touch me  
Take me to that other place  
Teach me  
I know I'm not a hopeless case

Out of the car wash, I moved Morty to the parking lot of the gas station and kissed Clare with as much passion as I had.

So? Do you like it? Hate it? Yay? Nay? Yes? No? You should love this! I wrote this as I was in the hour long wait in a car wash in my own town. I wrote this down on the back of my sisters coloring book, a grocery receipt, a McDonald's napkin, and a note on my phone. You should be happy for the lengths I went through to write this for you. Just kidding. But I'm not kidding that I wrote this as I waited in the car wash and the long line. It was nice and sunny out today so we go our van washed! Now it's all clean. Sorry if the song doesn't exactly explain it, I couldn't think of anything else. I hope you enjoyed it.


	8. Piano Man pt 1

**AUTHORS NOTE- so! I got a bunch of reviews that made my day! Thank you to writersblock92, dreamgreen16, and ****Azula Felinae for reviewing so quickly! I have decided to treat you to another chapter. Tell me if you think that this should have a part two. **

**IMPORTANT! In this chapter, Eli is 22, Clare is 21, and Adam is 22. Eli and Adam know each other but not Clare. They all went to Degrassi, but they never had English class to bring them together and Clare's glasses did get squished but they never progressed farther than that. The underlined part is where the lyrics are subtly hinted. LOOK UP BILLY JOELS PIANO MAN AND LISTEN TO IT BEFORE, IT WILL MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND BETTER. **

**And also, suggestions are still in affect. If you already suggested something, I am going to try to make it work in the chapters after this. **

**ELI'S POV **

I was working at the bar that has become my job. This was a pretty decent paying job for a college student. I played the piano for the others' ears. I was their amusement as the strangers drunk themselves into unrecognizable people. My fingers ghosted and pressed on the ivory keys as the regular crowd shuffled in. 

An older man was sitting next to me, making' love to his tonic and gin. He says, "Son, can you play me a memory, I'm not really sure how it goes, but it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete when I wore a younger mans clothes." His words slurred and he wore a suit and tie with a teachers ID that said Mr. Simpson. A smirk crossed my face as I began to play a tune.

No words escaped my lips but I watched the man carefully down his drinks and sway with eyes closed.

I looked around the bar at people laughing and having a good time. The clock read nine o'clock on this Saturday night. I saw Adam at the counter flipping around glasses and bottles in fancy arrays. He smiled at me from across the bar and rolled his eyes at a young Indian lady who was quite ditzy ordering some sort of fruity drink. Adam's a happy guy, always there for you.

Adam's a friend of mine and gets me my drinks for free. He came over a bit after he gave the girl her drink with a glass of alcohol for me and set it on the piano. He's quick with a joke or a light of his smoke, but there's someplace he'd rather be.

"Eli, I believe this is killing me," Adam said as the smile ran away from his face. "I'm sure that I could be a movie star, if I could get out o this place." I smiled and began to play faster, better.

The old teacher got up, put money in my cup and left. There were a lot more people looking my way.

"There's a young lady about our age who was wondering if you would play for her. She came here just for you." Adam said the smile returning.

"Send her over here." I said after moving my mouth from the microphone. He nodded and moved away from the grand piano.

Lyrics came out of my mouth for the next song that I had lined up. I was getting used to the keys and pedals now, just begging.

I looked around the bar once again to see Peter who's a real estate novelist and never had time for a wife, he's talking to Marco who's still in the Navy and probably would be for life. 

"Excuse me," a voice said about fifteen minuets later, causing me to move my head. Dark brown streaks of hair fell over my green eyes as I starred at the beautiful girl standing next to me.

"Yes, beautiful?" I asked. This girl looked familiar, like an old high school classmate. She blushed. This girl was about my age, maybe a year younger or so, with piercing blue eyes that held unspoken secrets. I wanted to figure out all these secrets, get to know the real her. The funny thing is that I barley knew her.

"I was wondering if you could play me a song. I mean, you're the piano man. I'm in the mood for a melody, and you've got me feelin' all right for a change," she said. I was absentmindedly playing chords.

"Only if I can get your name," I smirked.

"Clare. And you are?" Care. Wow, for some reason that rings a bell, one that sounds like crunched glasses. I love that name. It matches her angelic features and auburn curls.

"Eli. Stay after, for me. I want to buy you a drink." I told her. She smiled and nodded, but stayed in her place, sipping her beverage.

My lips moved along with the piano to Billy Joel's Piano Man. "La la la didy da, la la didy da da dum. Sing us a song, you're the piano man. Sing us a song tonight. Well, we're all in the mood for a melody. And you've got us feeling al right," I sang. Clare smiled. I moved around names to make it my observations.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the waitress, Holly J, practicing politics for her university as the business man slowly got stoned. She sat down and they were sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone. 

This is a pretty good crowd for a Saturday. I see Johnny DiMarco, the manager giving me a smile cause he knows it's me that they're coming to see to forget about life for a while.

"And the piano it sounds like a carnival. The microphone smells like a beer. And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar and say," I stopped the microphone picked up Clare's voice singing.

"Man, what are you doing here?" she belted out. The song stopped and the crowd cheered. Some were still swaying while others just smiled. It was eleven o'clock and time for my break. The people were okay with that as we turned on the music from the stereos.

"You were great. Thanks." Clare said. "I think I know you, you ran over my glasses in your hearse, remember?" Before I could respond, Adam came over to us.

"We made enough tonight from drinks cause they all came to see you that you can leave early. Nice job. Go have some fun with your friend." Adam said. I glared at him. Smooth.

I got up from my stool. "Milady," I said as I held out my ring clad hand for her to take.

"Thanks." she took it. "Wait, I came here with a friend, Ali." She looked around. "I see her. One second," and with that, she left me waiting. My eyes followed her as she talked to the girl that was acting rather ditzy. They hugged and she came back.

"Let's blow this joint." I suggested. Clare looked at me with a happy genuine smile.

xXx

**CLARE'S POV **

We were at his apartment wanting to get away from the crowd. We talked about everything. I found out he had lived on his won since he was nineteen, went to University of Toronto, and this was his last year. He worked at the bar and knew all the regulars. I joked that I should be one, too. He looked at me and said that he would like that.

I told him all about me. I told him that I was going to U of T as well but we majored in different fields. I told him that I worked as a co manager at the local bookstore, that my parents were divorced, and that I lived in an apartment with Ali. Our conversation fell on our Degrassi years and how we never noticed each other after that incident. My phone vibrated and Eli let me take it.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey, Clare, I'm getting a ride from Drew. Do you mind?" she asked. I could tell that she wanted alone time with her new boyfriend. We hung up after saying goodbyes.

I let out a long sigh. Eli noticed. "What's wrong, blue eyes?" he asked with concern outlining the sound of his voice.

"My roommate went home with her boyfriend so I have no where to go." I said. He lifted my chin up to look me in the eyes.

"Do you want to stay here? I mean, I'm not scary, I don't bite. It's already 2 a.m. anyways. You will be really tired soon," he suggested.

"Sure, if you don't mind." I said.

"Not at all, now let's find something for you to wear as pajamas,": Eli said.

**SO? DO YOU LOVE THIS? I hope you do. I was thinking of making a part 2. Do you want me to make another one? Tell me along with suggestions on songs you would like. **


	9. Piano Man pt 2 Kiss Me

**AUTHORS NOTE- So! This is chapter 8… I think. This little chapter that got so many demands for part two is dedicated to writersblock92. She requested Kiss Me by six pence none the richer. Btw, I can play this really well on my guitar named Eli, and was thinking I should make a video of my singing and playing for YouTube, what do you think? I hope you like this chapter. **

**CLARE'S POV**

It was difficult to fall asleep knowing the boy who was everything you wanted was sleeping across the room on a futon. My blue eyes stayed open while I listed to deep breaths from Eli. It was the only thing that kept me form loosing my mind complexly. After about an hour of letting my imagination wonder in circles, I decided I needed some water.

I got up and slowly, carefully tiptoed to the kitchen area. I pored myself water from the sink. While I causally drank the cool liquid, I looked around the small apartment. The décor wasn't that bad. I was dressed in a big My Chemical Romance t-shirt and boxers. Walking over to the windows, I looked out to see fireflies.

"Clare?" Eli's voice traveled to me. I turned my head but not my body.

"Over in the kitchen." I responded softly. My eyes wondered back to the window. Eli's apartment was on the second floor, but it still had a balcony. My ears picked up footsteps coming towards me.

"Beautiful, eh?" Eli asked while he stood next to me. "Want to go out and see?" I turned to him.

"Yeah, that would be great." he led me out the sliding door to the balcony. The fireflies danced around Eli and me, bringing our bodies closer. I looked farther towards the horizon and fell in love with the twilight. Eli tapped my shoulder and handed me an ear bud. The song was an unrecognizable tune, but lovely all the same.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Clare?" Eli asked. Our faces were only a food away.

"No, do you have a girlfriend, Eli?" I asked. He smirked and shook his head no.

"You have a little something on your lips," he said. "Let me get it for you," he leaned in to make our mouths collide. Sparks flew as we kissed.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight

Lead me out on the moonlit floor

Lift your open hand

Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

Silver moon's sparkling

So kiss me.

I woke up in an unfamiliar futon. I lifted my head with a start. The sense of foreign surrounding and where I am soon washed away. Eli was laid down next to me. Light snores escaped his parted lips. Last night was, wow. It felt so nice to be with someone who cares. NO, I didn't take off my purity ring. I remember going to our town's best bar because I hear Eli Goldsworthy would be playing. The name struck a bell and my best friend decided to tag along, with her boyfriend of course.

My head fell back against the pillow. The kiss said everything, that even though we just reconnected, we had chemistry. A lot of it. "Eli," I said in his ear that was covered with bed head dark locks. "Time to get up." I pressed my lips against his cheek.

Eli woke with a start, as I did. Emotions washed across his face before recognizing me and pulling me in for a kiss.

We got up and had breakfast consisting of a typical college student. We ate cereal from a Cinnamon Toast Crunch box and some orange juice. Laughter was shared from sleepy Eli and me.

"Eli, as much as I love wearing this shirt, I think I should ask Alli if she could leave me some clothes." I said to Eli. He nodded.

"I love seeing you in my clothes as much as you like wearing them, but it's not what you should be wearing if we are going anywhere today." his smirk appeared on his lips. I had to smile at that simple gesture.

I pulled out my phone from my purse that was sitting on the bed. No new texts. Creating a new message, I typed in Alli's phone number. **Ali, if you don't answer to this text I'm using my key against you! Plz leave me a change of clothes outside the door. Love, Clare. **I sent.

"Clare, I'm going to get dressed. I'll be back in a bit, don't miss me too much." Eli said as he entered his room.

"I'll try not to." I said as I sat on the black futon with the blanket and pillows loosely laid over it. He came out about two minuets later and began to put on a pair of shoes that I particularly couldn't stand.

"Do you have any other shoes?" I asked. With that I got up and went into his room. I searched the piles of clothes on his floor for a different pair of shoes. Black Converse stuck out from the corner of his room. They were nice and worn down. "Put these on instead." I demanded and he did as I said.

We walked to my apartment, realizing what we didn't last night that his apartment and mine were in the same building. Alli did leave clothes outside the room with a brush, a compact with makeup, my favorite yellow sundress, and a little shrug. Was leggings too much to ask? I guess so, because she didn't leave me any.

I changed in Eli's apartment then we headed down to his hearse. I still couldn't believe he still had it. It was the source of our deepest memory.

xxx

Now, we were at my bookstore that was closed for Sundays, but since I worked there, I was allowed. Outside the building was a little garden area with benches for peaceful reading opportunities. I was sitting on a wooden swing attached with long ropes to a tree. Eli was pushing me.

"So, Edwards, What do you want to become when you finish college?" Eli asked me. The wind blew through my hair.

"A young adult writer," I said. All of the reviews on my fanfiction site said I would be good at it. "What about you?"

"I have no fucking idea." We hared a laugh. Eli came in front of me then pushed me backwards on the swing so we were level. We leaned into each other as we began to kiss. I hopped off the swing without breaking the kiss. Strong arms wrapped around me. My fingers ran through his hair. He quickly deepened it and moved his hands down my sides to the back of my bare knees. He leaned back, bringing me with him wile he bent my legs and I wrapped them around his hips and legs. Still kissing, he slid down the tree so we were sitting on the green grass.

Kiss me out of the bearded barley

Nightly, beside the green green grass

Swing swing, swing the spinning step

You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress

So kiss me.

For weeks after that we stayed together, Eli and I. Months past and we were more in love than ever. Years went by that only made us stronger. We truly loved each other. We confided in each other.

When he graduated college, I was there to kiss him as he stepped off the stage. When I got my first book published, he was there to kiss me and swirl me in the air. I was there to kiss him and remind him it's going to be alright when his dad died. He was there to kiss me when we got in a fight and promise he would never leave. I was there to kiss him when I gave him my purity ring. He was there to kiss me when we got married. Eli was there to kiss me and reassure me when I had a miscarriage. We were there to kiss our child six years later as she went to school, her dark auburn hair bouncing with waves as her turquoise eyes looked anxious.

We were always there for each other and always will be.

**AUTHORS NOTE- So? Did you like it? I decided to continuously update Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and occasionally Thursdays. Review if you like it or want a certain song. I would love to know what you think. **


	10. Just the Way You Are

**AUTHORS NOTE- Hey! Hope you like this chapter. it made me cry when I wrote it, but it gets better later. This chapter is dedicated to Goldsworthyalltheway for suggesting the song. If you want a chapter dedicated to you or you have a good idea for a song, please respond! By the way, I have a twitter with the name of MadiGoldsworthy and I will post on there when I update. **

**Clare is a bit OOC in this. I totally know how she feels, and I get like this all the time, including now. NO, IM NOT EXACTLY LIKE THIS, I JUST KNOW HOW SHE FEELS! **

**CLARE'S POV**

I stood in front of my full length mirror in my underwear and a bra. I am so fat! I thought to myself. You could see the bit of stomach fat towards the bottom of my tummy. I am so ugly. Look at my hair. It's curly and not pretty when it's straightened like Alli's. My mouth is so small, my kips a wired pink color I hate the way I look. It's all my fault. All the different insults flooded my mind and pocked at the weak spots, causing me to feel disgusting.

I know what you are thinking. Clare, you're so not fat! You're beautiful. But save your breath, I won't believe the words that come out of your perfect mouth. I feel like such a pity case. Eli isn't going to ask me out any time soon. My best friend is gone. My mom is taking all the divorce anger out on me, constantly insulting me. My life is falling apart.

I finally looked at my eyes. There was no makeup surrounding the lid, but they were red and puffy. My ribs were visible, too. I haven't been eating very much lately. Only one meal a day if that, but I went for a run to loose the gained calories.

I put on a sweatshirt that used to fit me and a pair of baggy yoga pants. Grabbing my stuff, I made my way to school. When I got there, I put my things in my locker and took my books.

"Clare," a voice made me jump. "Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you," Eli said, coming up behind me.

"I've been busy," I lied. Actually, I've been kind of avoiding him. I didn't need any more pain. My stomach growled from lack of food. I got used to the feeling, enjoyed it even. Just like the heartbreak and loneliness, I got used to it.

"Are you hungry? Here, I think I have some food in my bag," Eli said.

"No, I'm fine," I reassured the boy who just doesn't seem to care anymore. He hasn't acted like he likes me. The bell rang, cutting off our conversation. I gave Eli a sad smile then went to my class.

**ELI'S POV**

I'm worried about Clare. She's been so distant lately. I feel like I'm losing her in her baggy clothes that are very present on her fragile figure. I want nothing more but to be with her. I want to be there for her. I'm such a fucking chicken. I can't ask the girl I might love to be with me.

Clare was all I could think of during my classes. During lunch, I tried to look for her, but she was no where to be found I slumped to my last class, English.

"Hey, Clare. Where were you at lunch today," I questioned my English partner. He looked up at me sitting towards her. Her eyes weren't the blue they used to be. They were hollow and lifeless. It sent pains to my chest when I saw her so sad. You could plainly see her cheek bones, more prominent than ever.

"Um, I was finishing some homework," said Clare as her eyes darted everywhere but my eyes.

"I don't appreciate being lied to," anger was able to lace in my voice. She looked at me sheepishly.

"I'll tell you after school at the Dot?" Clare asked. There was a bit more life in her voice.

"Ok, class. Today I want you to write about an insecurity you have.

I knew just what I was going to write about.

**ELI'S ESSAY**

Insecurities aren't scarce when you talk about me. But, there is one that causes me to always think. I care, too much. No such thing, you say? Well, here is why, Ms. Daws.

Clare. I care too much about her. So much that I can't stop thinking of her. The thing is, if I show her I care, she might get hurt, badly. Just like Julia did. Latley, my perfect Clare has been distant. He's not herself. I'm beginning to think she hates me and I can't stand it.

Clare doesn't talk to me like she used to. She doesn't smile like she used to. She doesn't go to lunch with me. Clare always wears clothing that used to fit her, but is now too baggy, nothing that fits her figure. I care too much. I care that I don't see her eat any more. I care that she is going to loose herself. I f she looses herself, I will loose myself. I like her, but you probably know that already.

To me, caring isn't just caring. It's being protective. I don't want her to get hurt, but I feel she's hurting herself. I don't know what to do.

I call caring an insecurity, because when I care, I hurt both me and the other person, Clare's the definition of perfect and I don't think I'm good for her, but she's good for me. I like her just the way she is.

Her eyes, they make the stars look like they're not shinning. Her hair falls perfectly without her trying. She is so beautiful. I tell her everyday. Of course, she never listens. When I complement her, she won't believe me. And it's so sad to think that she doesn't see what I see.

I care that Clare doesn't see herself to her full potential. I care so much that it hurts me. I only want her to be happy. My insecurities hurt people daily, but today, I, Elijah Mathew Goldsworthy, am going to fix this.

**(END OF ESSAY)**

-**at the Dot-**

I was drinking my diet Coke as Clare fidgeted. "I believe you were going to tell me where out were at lunch, beautiful," I said to Clare, trying to lighten the mood.

I was in mid swallow when she said, "I'm not beautiful," I started choking on my soda and she cracked a bit of a smirk.

"Yes you are, don't ever say that again," I said sternly.

"But it's tr…" Clare began to say.

"No, it's not, it's the biggest lie I've ever heard anyone say." I couldn't believe what I heard.

"Not even when Adam told you he was cleaning the ocean when you asked him why he bailed out of video games at your house." Clare asked me with a smile on her face. She wore a smile that brightened my day.

"Nope Clare, there's something I have to tell you," I said. She nodded with the smile beginning to fade. "When I see your face, there's nothing I would change, cause you're amazing just the way you are." I paused and saw her blush. I'm getting my Clare back. "And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while cause girl, you're amazing, just the way you are."

"Really?" I thought you thought I was ugly," I starred at her with my mouth agape.

"Clare, what are you smoking?" I thin you're amazing, perfect, beautiful. You are everything." Clare smiled and slightly giggled at my expression, she then covered her mouth. I continued. "You know what Clare is? She's unforgettable. Her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me. Her laugh, she hates it but I think it's so sexy. She's so beautiful." I moved my chair closer to hers.

"Thank you," she said. The life seemed to return to her eyes. I leaned in to collide my lips to hers, they moved in perfect harmony. We pulled away.

"You know, Clare. I would never ask you to change." I leaned my forehead against hers. "Will you edit my English partner?" I asked. She smiled.

"Sure if you will edit mine tomorrow," Clare said. I gave her my paper.

"Why tomorrow?" I asked Clare.

"Because I'm going to rewrite it. It's no longer insecurity," Clare said.

"Clare, can you eat now?" I asked her softly. She looked weary and her smile faltered a bit.

"That's what it was about, Eli. I don't eat very much anymore, that's why I wasn't at lunch." I starred at Clare as she sat that. "But now, I'm hungry."

"Your wish is my command." I said. "You read that, I will get us some grub," she nodded and began reading.

I went up to the counter and ordered a cheeseburger and a chicken salad with two root beers. I brought them back as Clare was finishing up reading. A tear formed at the corner of her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She said, "I didn't thin you cared this much."

"Hell yeah, I do. So I was wondering, do you want to be my girlfriend? I said while looking into her blue eyes.

"Yes, more than anything." we smiled at each other and dig into our meals.


	11. Pain pt 1

**AUTHORS NOTE- So I had the worst case of writers block for this story lately. Although I have been able to write other unrelated one shots for other characters, I haven't been able to write anything decent for this fanfiction. There are some epic suggestions for chapters that I tried and totally and completely failed at. Thank gosh for spring break because I finally had the time to write. This chapter is the most depressing one that I think I have ever written.**

** I think that I haven't been completely honest with you guys and think that this chapter summarizes one of the things that I've been dealing with lately. THIS WILL HAVE A PART TWO THAT I WILL POST SOON. CLARE IS OUT OF CHARACTER. DON'T HATE ME! lol In part one there isn't a lot of fluff if there is any. But in part 2 fluff ensues. Usually I don't write this kind of thing but I needed to tell someone, anyone. I'm sorry if it sucks. Well, here you go. **

**DISCLAIMER- You think I own Degrassi AND Three Days Grace! Well I think you own a big stash of crank. All I won is a small pug who likes to lick my scars. Gross.**

**CLARE'S POV**

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_Cause I'd rather feel pain_

_Than__ nothing at all._

The pressure. Pressure to be beautiful. Pressure to be a supportive child. Pressure to handle two imperfect parents. Pressure to feel. Pressure not to feel. Pressure to fit in. Pressure to be perfect. Be perfect. I have to be perfect. Everyone knows me as Clare; the saint, the smart gifted one, the girl who holds back personal things, the girl who's afraid of others opinions. People always assume I'm some optimistic girl with no worries. How wrong they are.

I can't maintain a happy relationship; I can't fix my parents marriage. I can't keep my friends from getting hurt. I can't let people in. I HATE THIS! I hate it. Hate it. That's why there are slits on my wrists.

No, I don't spell out words. I don't engrave "perfect" or "beautiful" into my arms and legs. But, my razor is my best friend. Maybe it's just a blood fetish. That would explain the vampires.

I'm sitting on my bathtub. The blood is slowly sliding down my arm to trickle into the porcelain tub, Tears slither down my cheeks. The scars aren't long and beautiful but short and ugly. They don't stretch all the length of my arm, no, my guardians might realize if I went outside to school with long sleeves in April everyday. No, they stay within a small portion of bracelets towards my hand. Elastic bands, wish bracelets, and other plastic, metal, and rubber circles apply pressure to the cuts.

I mend them, it's not like I'm suicidal. I just want to be able to feel for once. I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. So if this is what it takes, then so be it. This is for everything that I've done wrong.

_Anger and agony _

_Are__ better than misery_

_Trust__ me _

_And__ take my hand_

_When__ the lights go out_

_You__ will understand._

Fucking sadness. Is this depression? That would explain a lot. I feel worthless. Sobs ran out of my lips and I wiped up the blood. Anger raged through my veins. I hate myself! Ugh! Fuck this place. Fuck this razor. Fuck the blood. Fuck all the people who would be astonished at the fact that I just swore. I'm so lazy! I'm not doing anything but hurt! I'm not worth is. Good thing I'm not holding a knife or I would have turned it on myself.

Deep red liquid still on my skin, I ran to my rom. Grabbing my pillow, I flopped on my bed and screamed. And for the encore; a long string of curse words.

_You're sick of feeling numb_

_You're not the only one_

_I'll take you by the hand_

_And I'll show you a world_

_that you can understand_

Stupid voice in the back of my head. Am I hearing things? I only do this so I can feel. That's it. Maybe I'm not the only one, but that doesn't matter. Maybe this si a sin, but I need to feel something. I mean this pain, this torment, suffering, masochism, that's how I feel. No love for me.

Maybe if the lights went out I would comprehend. I'm going to the blade because it's always there. I only have that ever-present voice in my subconscious. It's my savior, even if it's telling me evil things.

My parents were gone. My mom was probably out with a friend, church maybe. Go pray, it'll do you good. My dad? Oh, he's definitely stoned or drunk off his ass over all of his shitty problems. Not my fault.

My anger has disappeared and I cleaned up the remains of my epidemic and the rusty coloring on the assumed pristine tub.

I sighed as I got out the disinfectant. Eli crossed my mind. He always does at this point in my rampage of self destruction. We are on a "break" what ever that means. I wonder if he'd care if I said goodbye. Goodbye to this world would be the easy way out. Leaving him would hurt him, too. I'll have to sleep on it, I thought as I stripped off my pants and climbed into bed with Eli's stolen Dead Hand t-shirt on, the one I'd been wearing the entire day.

**AUTHORS NOTE- Hey. I know, not exactly what you would expect of me. Sorry to get all serious on you in that chapter. Now that I told you something that has been bothering me, I'd appreciate it if you would tell me something about you. It can be anything; favorite color to a dark secret. Feel free to shoot me a review or a private message. Well I hope you enjoyed this. If I get enough reviews, I will update tomorrow and on Friday. if not, then I will only update tomorrow. The Last Night by Skillet is the next update, by the way. You can guess how it's going to go. **

** I suggest you review, because on Friday, I will treat you to some fluffy EClare. Only the best for the best reviews. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Thank you! **


	12. The Last Night Pt 2 of Pain

**AUTHORS NOTE- HI. Yeah. I don't usually write fics like that, but I was kinda inspired. This is part two of Pain. I don't really have a lot to say except that I'm completely depressed because I won't be able to catch Degrassi this Friday, yes the big what-if-Eli-dies Degrassi that I've been waiting for forever because my parents hate me and are making me go see my stuck up cousins across the state where there is no Wi-Fi and I can't go on fanfiction. I will be spending my weekend sad. Very, very, very sad. I will probably be reading ****manga**** aimlessly on a pull out couch in my grandparent's basement when you are reading this, so I truly hope you appreciate my update. I love you all, now go read! **

**CLARE'S POV**

The next day I was in my living room alone, crying. I hadn't set my mind on any specific idea of living or leaving yet, and how to do either.

"Clare, I'm home," my mother said as she stumbled through the door. One look into her glassy eyes and I knew that she was drunk. "Are you ok? Of course you are, Clarey Beary. It's just a phase, darling." My mom took off her coat and threw it on the floor. She strutted into the kitchen where she read the awaiting note on the counter; the note that was one of the reasons I was crying. We had one more week until the divorce was final, one week until we were moving, and my dad decided not to spend it at home.

"Mom?" I choked out. I needed to talk to someone. Even if she wasn't sane right now, maybe I could try to talk to her, try to mend one of my scars. I was going to attempt. I didn't think that she would have cared so much if my dad wasn't home, less fighting right? Wrong.

"It's all YOUR FAULT! Why do you have to be here? Darcy's gone and we're stuck here with you. We wouldn't be fighting if you WERE'NT HERE! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" my mom yelled at my, my role model. Salt water poured out of my eyes; a filled pitcher spilling its contents. This was the first sign that I was falling apart.

I took at the stairs running; two at a time. I threw clothes, makeup, a hair brush, tooth paste, a toothbrush, my laptop, and deodorant in to my school bag. Before thrusting my arms into my jacket, I took off all my bracelets, letting the scars be shown to the world. I put my feet in my ballet flats, my iPod in my ears, and my phone in my pocket. The scars hurt as they rubbed against the cotton fabric, but I managed.

"I'm laving!" I screamed and left the house to say goodbye to the only person that might possibly care.

**ELI'S POV**

Ding dong! I heard the doorbell ring and I left my bedroom to the hall. Knock, knock, knock. Wow, someone's egger for me to let them in. I opened the door to find Clare starring at me.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the dance?  
"I asked. The Last Song was what she was waiting for, what she worked so hard for with Ali last week studying. She pushed me aside and came in, sitting on my couch. I followed her uneasily. Something was different about Clare today.

"I came to say goodbye." Clare said. I missed her blue eyes.

"What? Goodbye? Why?" I asked. I knew that she didn't mean that she was moving, no, something way more serious that I never thought my Clare would think of. This was a lot for me to handle at midnight. I loved the girl sitting next to me, she couldn't say goodbye I watched her cautiously as she removed her sweater. She placed her writs in my hands and I looked down to see choppy, bloody, messy scars. Some were fresh, but some were beginning to heal. There weren't many scratches, but there were enough.

"I need to leave. This is going to be my last night." I couldn't let her; no way.

"No, it's not, Clare. You can't, you hear me? You can't. I love you," I pleaded. She didn't seem to believe me. "Please." Tears began to flow from her crystal blue eyes; her famous blue eyes. I hated seeing her like this. I'm Elijah Goldsworthy, the one who's not supposed to care. Well, I do. I care so much.

"I didn't want you to see me cry." she sobbed. I moved a hand to wipe away the rears. "I'm fine!" I may not have a 4.0 GPA, but it doesn't take a smart person to tell that was a lie.

"Oh, Clare." I pulled her to my chest. She fought, but no way was I letting my one love escape me. "Tat is the last night you'll spend alone. Look me in the eyes, babe." She did. "I'm everywhere you want me to be." I wrapped her I'm my arms and I will never let her go.

"My mom yelled at me saying that is' my fault that my dad left us," she cried into my shirt.

"She doesn't know you like I know you. She doesn't know you at all," I tell her.

"I'm so sick of when they say 'it's just a phase you'll be ok'. Eli, I know it's all a lie." I kissed the top of her head.

"That was the last night away from me. I won't let you say goodbye, I'm too selfish," Clare moved to get up.

"I packed up some stuff, do you mind if I stay the night?" a blush spread across her flawless skin.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

We went upstairs and I let her take a shower in my bathroom up in my room while I changed and straightened up in my room. When she came in, her makeup was gone and her curls were wet.

"You are so beautiful. Come here," I said. She ran into my arms. Her hands were folded together behind my neck and I had my hands resting on her hips. I leaned into her and she crashed her lips to mine. We moved in synch, our mouths forming harmonies. She smiled and I took the opportunity to slip my tongue in between her lips. We kissed for what seemed like hours, both enjoying the sensation of each other.

"So are we still on a break?" I asked her. She shook her head, no. "Good." I detached myself from her so I could get into one side of my bed and Clare got into the other side.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked Clare.

"You just did," she giggled.

"That's not what I meant," I said.

"Sure, shoot." my girlfriend looked up at me with her light blue eyes which seemed to be lifted of weight. My girlfriend; I could get used to saying that again.

"How long?" the shine was lost in her eyes when she answered.

"Two weeks." I sighed.

"So as long as we were on a break?" I asked her. She nodded, avoiding eye contact. "Why?"

"Because I needed to feel something, and in this case I was in control of my pain," Clare said.

"Oh. I'm sorry about that, Clare."

"It's ok, Eli. I'm better now that I'm with you, in your arms. You're my reason that I'm going to be here for a while," she said before planting a kiss on my nose. She turned her back on me and I put my arm over her waist. Soon, I heard even, deep breaths coming from my girl.

**AUTHORS NOTE- So I realized that I never actually included any lyrics to the song. Sorry! The lyrics are in there, but they aren't pointed out. If you listen to the song by Skillet then you will realize what they are. I love this song so much; it's one of my favorites. I have two more chapters already written out, all I have to do is type them out and ta da! I was on spring break all this week, be amazed! The only bad thing is that I haven't done any of my homework T_T. I should probably work on that… lol. ****Btw, I wasn't very clear on the whole reason Clare was saying goodbye, it was suicide. Yes, I know, Clare would never do that and this is a very serious subject, I get that. By the way a friend of a person that goes to my church committed suicide recently and I would be honored if you could include her in your prayers. I truly hope that my OOC Clare wasn't too offending to anyone. I love you all and hope you enjoyed this even a bit. Thanks!**


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